This New Game is Getting Tons of Press Because You Can Adjust the Size of Your Penis

If you enjoy dicks, you’re going to LOVE the new Conan game. 

This article is not safe for work, unless you work for the developer Funcom, in which case dicks are your bread and butter. They’re going balls deep with their new game, Conan Exiles. Something about this one really sticks out. With many huge games shooting for the top spot this year, the developers wanted to make sure they didn’t get the shaft. With the inflated media coverage, this title couldn’t come fast enough for eager gamers. It’s currently in Early Access on Steam, which gives them plenty of time to polish things off before the big release.


Some players love to create their own characters that look like them because it offers a more immersive experience, and now guys are going to be able to go for the whole package.


Conan Exiles is going to be setting the bar when it comes to physics in games. Gone are the days where you stress over how realistic your water, rain, or foliage physics are, as we usher in a new era of penis physics envy. Can your gaming PC run Crysis on max? Who cares, can it run Crysis with dicks?

In the create-a-character screen, there’s a slider that allows you to adjust the length and girth of your character’s penis.

Chris from PC Gamer put in work to bring you the essential gifs.


As you cycle through the different pre-set races while creating a character, you’ll notice that they each also have a default endowment and that certain races start off with dramatically larger genitals.

The initial reviews have been mixed, but if you’re looking for an open world penis simulator with survival elements tacked-on, you really don’t have much else to choose from.