You should sit down. And set aside about half an hour, maybe longer – this article, or more specifically the topic at hand in this article, is probably better than the majority of stand-up comedy out there. Seriously. I’m cry-laughing as I type these words.
The topic at hand is a recently released game known as Solbrain Knight of Darkness. An incredible, revolutionary new entry into the RPG genre from none other than Lightning Game Studios themselves – pioneers of the video game industry.
Before we get any further, watch the following trailer.
Now that you’ve seen that, you’re probably wondering what all the fuss is about. At first glance, it doesn’t look that bad, as in bad enough to justify how much I’ve likely built it up by now. Sorry, I’m still cry-laughing.
It really is that bad though. Take a look at some of the Reddit (or YouTube) comments and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about – or just keep on reading. I’ve compiled the best of them below, for your viewing pleasure, amid my own comments and reactions.
Firstly, let’s discuss those amazing weather patterns.
The trailer promises us a wide variety of weather conditions, with dynamic transitions and changes as you’d expect in any open world 2016 RPG. For example, in one of the cuts, you can actually catch a glimpse of some heavy snow. And in another, it’s snowing. If you keep watching, you’ll be able to see… Well, more snow. Wait, is that snow in a fucking desert?
There’s actually a point where the trailer informs us of the “changes in weather conditions” the game supposedly has to offer. The trailer then proceeds to show literally no changes in weather conditions. This is too much.
One reddit user, Willbotski, was quick to point out that even if there were any changing weather conditions, well…
I remember when weather changing was groundbreaking in 1998.
Not only does the game look repetitive, the trailer literally repeats itself.
No really. It’s easiest to see around the 1:06 mark, which I’ve politely supplied down below. But I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for me. It’ll make it easier to come back and watch whenever I feel like a good 5 minute laugh about something.
What an absolute spectacle this is turning out to be. Maybe they were trying to emphasize the replayability of the game?
The trailer was made in fucking iMovie. iMovie. On an iPhone.
Do you still believe me? I’m not lying. Numerous people have actually gathered, on separate occasions, that the trailer was made on iMovie, with a literal iPhone. In fact, one Reddit user, murdisthesword, even remarked that the same effects and transitions were used for their wife’s sister’s wedding:
They used iMovie to whip this up. My wife used the same effects/transitions for her sisters wedding.
“..her sisters wedding.” I can’t. Help me.
The description, the developer interaction, the developer, the game. Everything.
Did you look at the YouTube description? It really does do the game justice. In fact, it’s probably the best thing about the game, period. And I don’t think I’ll be able to confidently declare the YouTube description of a game trailer to be the best thing about said game ever again. And then there’s this post, too, on their Unity profile… Just see for yourself.
The old gods have forgotten this land (Cannae). No one could save our people when darkness began to spread and collect the souls of men for his army. Solbrain Knight of Darkness is a 3D exploration game.
You can’t really blame the old gods; I’d abandon Cannae too.
The developer had the following to say about the game, on this Unity story:
An early decision was eliminating enemies and characters from the design, as modeling and animations are not among my strengths. This cut out the need for models, animations, artificial intelligence, and dialogue; vastly reducing development complexity. I replaced what would traditionally be animations or models with an extensive particle effect system. Through tweaking a few numbers and colors, I can create a great deal of art assets relevant to gameplay.
That last part is funny. Funny, because the game actually contains a ton of stolen assets: the dragonscale shield from Skyrim being one hilarious example. See for yourself…
I think OriginalUneeK can pretty accurately sum up how we all feel about this game.
Have you ever seen anything worse than this trailer?